I work full time and my husband is home raising the kids. It just ended up working out that way when he lost his job and then I got pregnant. I handle paying the bills – and I absolutely HATE it. I am also not great with it either and that frustrates him. When I tell him to take over, he won’t even consider it… and then when he sees some of the credit card bills come in, he jumps right on me. Help!
- Kim, Maryland
Kim, thanks for writing. Your email brought back memories. When I was growing up, neither one of my parents liked paying the bills. So my mother would do it for as many months as she could stand it, then when she got really, really cranky my father would take over. And months later, when he had all he could take, she would once again take over for him. I think the difference between your approach and theirs is the difference between the words “ask” and “tell.” More…
Women have — for generations — had the stigma of being bad with money. Lucy begged Ricky for her allowance. Carrie Bradshaw blew her retirement fund on shoes. Even now, many of us can name at least one girlfriend who splits a purchase between cash and credit so she doesn’t have to own up to the cost to her spouse.
Women are getting a bad wrap. These days, more and more of us are taking charge when it comes to our family’s money. At the end of last year, a study by FindLaw.com found that 37 percent of married women between the ages of 18 – 34 handle all of the household finances, compared to 30 percent of married men. In a 2006 study by Money magazine, 60 percent of women said they’re responsible for budgeting, bill paying, and day-to-day spending in their households. More…
“I recently discovered that my wife has hidden several thousands of dollars in debt from me. Beating me to the mailbox, sending statements to one of her friend’s homes. I have left the house and wanted some advice on where to start rebuilding if even possible after the deception.” - Jim, California
I hear this all the time, unfortunately. About 2 to 5% of the population can be categorized as compulsive shoppers, and it can have a devastating impact on a marriage. And when it’s done in secret, my friend the psychiatrist Gail Saltz often says, it’s particularly devastating. That’s because there are two betrayals: The hiding of the information and the disregard for the financial life you’ve built together. That said, if your wife is willing to work on the problem you can repair your finances and your marriage.
Financially, your first obligation — and it is a joint obligation since you’re married — is to face the debt and preserve your credit history. Sit down with your wife and More…
You know how I feel about how money – one of the number one causes of divorce – should be handled in a marriage or long-term relationship. But I now I want to know how you feel.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a contributor to More magazine. For my column in an upcoming issue, I’m looking for women who will tell me how the finances are handled in their relationship. Do you and your partner merge every cent? Keep everything separate? A little of both?
Share your system – and why it works for you – by sending me an email.
I’ve had a lot to say about money and relationships lately, and keeping with that trend, tomorrow I’ll speak with Dr. Bonnie Eaker, about her book “Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.” Tune in to Oprah Radio at 12pm EDT (on SIRIUS Channel 195 or XM Channel 156) to hear her take.
I was on Today this morning with some money advice for Nick and Leigh, the couple who got married on the Plaza today for the show’s annual Today Throws a Wedding series. Here’s the clip:
It’s that time of year again…wedding season. According to the Association of Bridal Consultants, nearly 22% of couples tie the knot in July and August. But after the rice is thrown and the cake is gone, couples are left to deal with one of the biggest causes of martial discord: managing their finances. Here are some tips to help you keep the peace:
Understand your differences. It’s not reasonable to assume that just because you tie the knot you all of a sudden become the same person. What you have to do, therefore, is understand HOW you are different, how those differences are going to worry or stress your partner, and keep lines of communications open so that you both understand what is happening with the family pie.
Joint or separate accounts? Try both. There is a school of thought that says the more you merge your money, the more you trust each other and the marriage. I am not completely of that school — quite possibly because I’ve been divorced. I am a big fan of joint AND separate accounts. The way this works best is if you come up with a household budget that the joint account will cover. It must include the amount you want to save for your joint goals (vacation, house, retirement, emergencies). Then figure out what equal percentage of both salaries will cover it, transfer that much in from the separate accounts, and leave the rest. And the bills covered by the joint accounts shouldn’t ALWAYS be paid by the same person. One will gravitate toward these tasks but make sure you switch it up at least once a year.
Financial autonomy is a must. When it comes to my marriage, I need to be able to buy a cup of coffee without checking with him. More…
