Women are getting a bad wrap. These days, more and more of us are taking charge when it comes to our family’s money. At the end of last year, a study by FindLaw.com found that 37 percent of married women between the ages of 18 – 34 handle all of the household finances, compared to 30 percent of married men. In a 2006 study by Money magazine, 60 percent of women said they’re responsible for budgeting, bill paying, and day-to-day spending in their households.

That, according to piles of research, turns out to be a good thing for your family’s balance sheet. Why? Because women are actually good at managing money. Take a look:

• A Merrill Lynch study a few years ago found that only 35 percent of women have held a losing investment for two long, versus 47 percent of men. To take it a step further, only 48 percent of women said they’ve since repeated the mistake, compared to 61 percent of men.
• The same study found that a quarter of men have bought “hot” stocks without research. Only 13 percent of women have admitted to doing the same.
• An international survey by Reuters in 2009 found that women are more responsible than men when it comes to money. They’re less likely to get in debt, and more likely work hard to be financially independent.
• A nine-year Bloomberg LP study, released in 2009, found that hedge funds run and managed by women nearly doubled the returns of those ran by men. The average woman-managed fund returned 9 percent; those managed by men returned only 5.82 percent. To add insult to injury, funds run by women were down only 9.6 percent at the peak of the financial crisis, compared to the 19% decline that funds managed by men saw.

Bottom line: Women are careful. We think decisions through before pulling the trigger, and instead of just taking risks, we take calculated risks. We also seek help, when we need it – and when it comes to money, many of us do – and we admit our mistakes. We are, when it comes right down to it, the perfect money manager for our families.

But taking responsibility for your family’s financial future is also good for your mental health. The American Psychological Association’s annual Stress in America survey recently found that financial stress takes a heavier toll on women. There are several ways to remedy that, but being educated is one of the best. If you know what’s going on with your family’s money, you don’t have to wonder whether you have enough in savings, or if that bill was paid on time.

“I do the budget and schedule the payments, and I know they will get there on time. I don’t feel in charge, because my husband is still involved, but I do feel less stressed,” says Kathleen Noland, who began handling her family’s money after a little trial and error. “We realized that I pay the bills on time, and I have a better sense of what’s coming in and going out, because I do most of the shopping. I also feel better when I’m in control.”

Of course, the best case scenario, in my book, is sharing the financial duties – or at least having regular money meetings so you’re both well-informed. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open – Kathleen says she and her husband have a conversation about their finances about once a week, and discuss with each other before making any big purchases. But no matter what system works for your family, clearly, it’s time to retire the stereotypes.

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a contributor to More magazine.  For my column in an upcoming issue, I’m looking for women who will tell me how the finances are handled in their relationship.  Do you and your partner merge every cent?  Keep everything separate? A little of both?

Share your system – and why it works for you – by sending me an email.

Understand your differences. It’s not reasonable to assume that just because you tie the knot you all of a sudden become the same person. What you have to do, therefore, is understand HOW you are different, how those differences are going to worry or stress your partner, and keep lines of communications open so that you both understand what is happening with the family pie.

Joint or separate accounts? Try both. There is a school of thought that says the more you merge your money, the more you trust each other and the marriage. I am not completely of that school — quite possibly because I’ve been divorced. I am a big fan of joint AND separate accounts. The way this works best is if you come up with a household budget that the joint account will cover. It must include the amount you want to save for your joint goals (vacation, house, retirement, emergencies). Then figure out what equal percentage of both salaries will cover it, transfer that much in from the separate accounts, and leave the rest. And the bills covered by the joint accounts shouldn’t ALWAYS be paid by the same person. One will gravitate toward these tasks but make sure you switch it up at least once a year.

Financial autonomy is a must. When it comes to my marriage, I need to be able to buy a cup of coffee without checking with him. He needs to be able to do the same. If you don’t have this sort of financial independence, one spouse starts feeling like a parent and the other like a child.

Schedule Financial Dates. Once a week make time to talk about money. It should be a time when neither of you is overly tired or overly cranky. Perhaps after a television show you always watch together. During the week keep a list of items you want to make sure not to forget (it’s like a doctors visit, you want to be sure you put the time to good use) then discuss them. How much to put in the FSA, should you switch healthcare plans, are you paying too much for cable, should you re-allocate your 401(k), or you want a new flat-screen. All of these items are fair game.

Know What Pushes Your Own Buttons. If you are feeling nervous, worried, angry over money, try to understand what is behind your own feelings before you air them with your spouse. If you can understand why you feel a certain way, your spouse will have a greater likelihood of understanding it too.

Dream Out Loud. The best part about being a couple is dreaming together. Setting financial goals is a form of dreaming. Ask each other what do you want this year, next year, in 5 years, in 10. Then attach numbers to those dreams so you can figure out how you’ll get there.