When the action in question is losing weight and keeping it off, the results of a new study seem to indicate that money may not do the trick. Here’s what went down according to The New York Times:

“Researchers studied 2,407 overweight and obese people enrolled in weight-loss schemes at their jobs. Participants were divided into three groups. The first received $60 for keeping a 5 percent weight loss for a year. The second agreed to pay about $100; the money would be returned if they lost 5 percent of their weight, and they would get bonuses for losing more. The third, a control group, was offered only $20, a reward for staying in the program for a year. The study , published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, found that money had very little effect. The group that was offered $60 lost an average of just 1.4 pounds, while the controls lost 1.8. Those who made the $100 deposit dropped an average of 1.9 pounds more than the controls, but, the authors write, people motivated enough to risk their own money would most likely have lost weight with any program.”

Personally, I think the problem with this study was that there wasn’t enough money at stake. The founders of Stickk.com, a website that allows you to motivate yourself into the behavior of your choice by setting your own hurdles, corralling your friends to nudge you electronically to meet them, and in some cases, self-imposing a monetary payout for failure, have written about their own successes losing weight for money.

What was different about their experiences? Two things. The amount of money in question was enough to cause discomfort (not true in the NBER study). And, if they failed to meet their goals, that money had to be paid to a person or cause they detested. That added another motivating element to the mix.

I know from the research I did for The Difference that in order to reach a goal, you’re best off wanting it for yourself for a reason that will bring good in your life. You have to want to make the change. Or, at least be thinking about wanting to make the change. But I’m wondering…how much money would it take you to lose weight? Start exercising? Stop smoking? Or do something else that’s actually good for you – but which you have no real desire to do….

I have a 22 year-old daughter who begins work as a nurse in July. I have recommended the asset allocation (early career in your book The Difference) after she saves up 8 months in expenses in cash or money market fund. Do you have a better recommendation or did I miss the mark?

Answer: In a perfect world, we would all have 8 months in living expenses in the bank. The reality is however, that putting that much in the bank, especially when you’re starting out, can be a daunting task.

Yesterday Karen Blumenthal stopped by my radio show to discuss her new book “The Wall Street Journal Guide to Starting Your Financial Life.” Starting small, Blumenthal says, is a key thing for workforce newbies to remember. “The first paycheck you might have immediate living needs…you don’t want to run up debt. You need to commit some of each paycheck to build that fund. Start with even $25 and then increase it. In every paycheck you should aim for as much as 10%. If you can’t do that right off the bat start with what you can do,” said Blumenthal.

But where should that money go once you’ve set it aside? Your daughter is going to want something where she can easily move her money around and access it in case of an emergency. To meet both of these needs, online savings accounts are a good place to stash your cash. Places like DollarSavingsDirect, HSBC Direct, and ING Direct offer these types of accounts. “With these it’s very easy to move money around…and the interest rates are a lot better than you’ll get with a money market account or a regular savings account. There are no catches, for the most part, and fairly low or no minimum balances,” said Blumenthal. An added bonus: These accounts are FDIC insured.

I think those of us with smaller problems — a lost job, a difficult child, a stalled career track, a tight budget — have much to learn from the woman who has already faced the worst tragedy imaginable to a parent (the death of her son Wade), only to have to deal with untreatable cancer and a cheating spouse simultaneously.   I’ve heard her say she does it for her kids.  To give them something to hold onto.  But what does she say to herself to get herself out of bed in the morning?  How does she put that smile on her face?  And is she faking it — or really feeling it?

Resilience, as I’ve said, is — I think — the most important skill many of us will be able to take from this economic downturn. We’ll learn to be better at coping, better at getting back up when life kicks us to the curb.    It’s a skill we can all use a little more of right now.    Here are my suggestions — from research compiled for The Difference.  I’ll post Edwards’ as well.

1. Controlling the things you can control – and let go of the others.

2. Take action.  When you’re feeling put upon, do something.  It may be the wrong thing.  That’s okay, you’ll do something else later.  Simply starting can get you unstuck.

3. Fight your inner critics.   If you have a very harsh internal radio station that plays nothing but negativity, trying to tune it out is a mistake. Instead turn it up – loudly enough that you can hear those thoughts – then challenge them.  “You’re lazy,” says the radio.  “Oh yeah, well who sent out 30 resumes yesterday?” Then allow your brain to build a case around that.

The play is not the thing, he said, daring to disagree with Hamlet. It is not about the two or three nights in front of an audience for applause.  It is about, as he put it in his enviable British accent,  “the pro-cess” of a group of kids becoming a company of actors who cooperate to build a show.  It is about the time spent tableu-ing scenes, discussing their meaning, researching the time period, and of course learning songs and lines and steps.   That is why, he said, the few kids who drop out after getting smaller parts than they (or their parents) felt they deserved inevitably come back and see the show and wish they’d stuck with it.  Those kids see that they missed a journey.  It’s the journey — the pro-cess — that makes them happier than even the end result.

It’s very much what the excellent Judith Warner blogged about in today’s Domestic Disturbances column for The New York Times website.

For me, I realized in that moment, happiness is inextricably bound up in striving. In straining for achievement, of whatever kind. In having a challenge and making it to the other side.

It doesn’t much matter what the challenge or object of achievement is. If none is obvious, one always presents itself.

…. Thursday was the book. Friday was the chicken. Saturday morning dawned with the thought that it was perhaps a good time to lose 10 pounds. On Sunday, I was plagued by the certainty that I’d never get that done, and on Monday I met with my editor and learned that I had to rewrite the book’s first 149 pages. And I was saved. Lifted out of darkness, I was on the road to happiness once again.

So what does all of this have to do with money?  I’m getting there.

If you’ve been reading my posts on my new book The Difference you know happiness — optimism — are proven to be linked to wealth and success.  You don’t want to be blissed out, but rating an 8 out of 10 on a happiness scale (where 1 is misery and 10 elation) serves you well in finance, health and life overall.  And one of the things that can help you get happier is involving yourself in the process of setting goals — big and small — for your life and then making progress toward them.  You don’t have to reach the end of the line to get the happiness charge, just taking steps toward those lines whereever they happen to be does the trick.

Even when the goals are financial.  Even in this environment.  After about 3 months of actively NOT looking at the balances in my kids 529 accounts, I took a deep breath yesterday and took a peek.   Did I have losses?  Sure, these days not having some would have been near miraculous.  But they weren’t as bad as I anticipated, and the fact that I’ve continued to contribute during these down months — buying more shares at cheaper prices — insured that my balances were higher than the last time I checked.  I felt like I was making progress toward the pro-cess of paying for college.

Did that make me happy?  You bet it did.

They are looking for a life where they can do important work that they believe makes a difference.  They are looking for the opportunity to give back.  They would like to be able to get to a point, financially, where they don’t have to worry.  And I believe they took from our time together the viewpoint that: Yes, They Can.

That was my big problem with The Secret.  It didn’t go far enough.  You can’t simply think positively and expect life to turn your way.  You can’t wish it and expect it to happen.  You have to do something.

Like so many of you, I’m sure, I’ve been following the Jon Stewart-Jim Cramer brouhaha.  Last night, after throwing darts back and forth — Stewart on his show, Cramer on Today among others — the two sat down together and had it out (see the first part of the interview below).  Stewart was dogged, relentless and armed with something Cramer didn’t have: Clips.  It made for an entertaining but somewhat unfair fight. 

What resonated most with me was this comment from Stewart:

Isn’t that part of the problem…selling this the idea that you don’t have to do anything?  Anytime you sell people the idea that…sit back and you’ll get 10-20 percent on your money, dontcha always know that that’s going to be a lie?  When are we gonna realize in this country that our wealth is work, that we’re workers, and by teaching this idea of hey man, I’ll teach you how to be rich.  How is that different than an infommercial?

My dad used to say (I’m sure yours did too) there’s no free lunch.  There is no Wealth Without Risk.  There is no raise without work.  The mirage of the last 10 years was just that — a mirage.  It’s time to roll up our sleeves and go back to the office.  Because although we can pine and whine and wish for the heady times to return, it’s a waste of time and effort that we could spend actually doing something.

As I dug into the data for The Difference: How Anyone Can Prosper In Even The Toughest Times, I was particularly interested to see if popularity at a young age was tied to success and wealth in adulthood.  The result: Yes.  The more connected you are to others, the more those connections help you succeed, make opportunities, gain wealth.  I’m not the only one to have noticed.   In his Freakonomics blog on The New York Times Website,  University of Chicago Economist Steven Leavitt writes of a new study that says”each extra close friend in high school is associated with earnings that are 2 percent higher later in life.”

But what if high school left you behind?  It’s not too late to cast a wide net.  That’s what the financially comfortable and financially secure do — the financially struggling stick to their families.    Figure out what groups, associations, individuals are worth your time, then don’t just show up.  Put yourself forward as a leader.    Your online presence, too, has become a very important marketing tool.  It’s not just for connecting with your high school friends — it’s for connecting with your future colleagues.  That said, Mr. Gruden, if you’re reading — feel free to “Friend” me.

It’s not only possible, but I am starting to hear the sort of stories and examples that we should all be not just listening to but learning from — and being inspired by.  Marcia, from Sacramento, for instance. Marcia called my Oprah Radio show on Friday.  The dismal jobs number had just come out and we were talking not about crying in our beers but about where the opportunities actually were.  Marcia’s job — she didn’t say what — had been eliminated about six months earlier.  She’d given herself a few days to have a pity party but that was it.  Then she started to think about what she  could do to make some money in these tough times to keep herself afloat.

Her town was littered with foreclosed houses.  In the wreckage Marcia and her sister found opportunity.  They started a business cleaning out those foreclosed homes for the lenders who took ownership of them.  Brilliant!  Marcia’s business is actually growing.  She and her sister are hiring.   They are feeling great about the fact that they forged their way in a very difficult time and it has given them the confidence to know that they can do anything.

And Marcia, if you’re reading, I hope you take a few minutes out of your busy day to go see Sunshine Cleaning the upcoming movie staring Amy Adams and Emily Blunt about two sisters who make their fortune cleaning up crime scenes!  In fact, if you are, call the show again — the movie tickets are on me.

So when last week she called and asked if she could come over and talk to me about her latest business, I said no problem. She is selling a product called Mila which is a shaved form — I’m telling you what she told me — of the Chia seed.  (Not to be confused with Chia pets.)   It is full of Omega 3s, which my friend nutritionist Joy Bauer is always saying we should get more of.  So, I’ve been trying it — putting it in my yogurt, oatmeal, Raisin Bran.  It looks a little like dirt, but has absolutely no taste, so it’s pretty easy to just sprinkle it on.  I’m not ready to weigh in just yet.  I may be sleeping a little better, but that may also be a result of the nicer weather and the fact that I can run outside again for the first time in months.   (I’ll keep you posted.)

I’m writing this post because I’m more focused on what Mila is doing for Elisa than what it is doing for me.  When we find work that makes us excited and interested, it makes us feel alive, rejuvinated, engaged, and useful.  I saw a real difference in Elisa.  Which was just a reminder for me, that even in these difficult economic times, we should all be looking for something that’s not just financially rewarding but psychically rewarding as well.